Mint Condition

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So in addition to my freezing cold, mid morning runs, I've developed a few new addictions... Celestial Seasonings Peppermint Tea, The Office, and Dark Chocolate Reeses Cups. Ok, the last one really isn't an "addiction", considering I ate one. whole. Reese's Cup... but it's something that I'm really proud of. Fuck you ED. Yes, I can have Peanutbutter and Chocolate Candy... it doesn't even have to be organic. Or natural. Or anything special. I can eat candy, in moderation, and be healthy.

I had therapy today. I love my therapist, which is something I've never said about an ED professional before, with the exception of my Physician on the day she hospitalized me (I knew I was getting ready to die at the time).

Me and my therapist talked about mainly how I handle uncomfortable situations. And place all the blame on myself. The pressure, the complications, expectations, they just become too much. So I bail... I just don't feel like dealing with anything. This is my pattern. It makes life chaotic. I can't grasp hold of the rest of the world. So I make my own... full of rigid rules and little quirks. Little, deadly quirks.

These traits still carry on- it's my downfall. Even though I've been weight restored and getting all my calories in, the behaviors take different forms. Another thing I really like about my therapist is she said Eating Disorders aren't all about the food. Food is a symptom, but not the problem. I love this. I agree with this. I have been telling myself this when I want to use ED as a crutch, in order to avoid things.

All in all though (we talked about other things, like with dance and stuff), it was a successful session. I got alot out, and got a few challenges assigned. One was to have a challenge food (duh!), because, well that's a challenge she likes me to do once a week. But this challenge food had to be intuitive... So more than just the "once a week" thing.

Well my mom and I went to purchase some Peppermint Tea, which, if you haven't tried it yet, GO AND BUY SOME!!! Hehe. Anyhow, we were in the checkout line, and I see Dark Chocolate Reese Cups. I grabbed them and put them on the store counter. My mom just kind of smiled and then asked me to grab another Dark package and then a regular one incase "Santa needs stalking stuffers".

When we got home, I started brewing the tea, and just kinda set the Reeses aside. Then, after therapy, it was time for another snack. I had a Flat out Wrap with salsa, some Tuna, Scrambled Eggbeater, Celery, and a Cheesestick. I was planning on having Oatmeal with the snack, too. But instead, I decided to go for the Reese's cup. Even though the package had two, I just had one of them. And will deffinetly be having the other one in the VERY near future. Because these things are SERIOUSLY delicous. I am so happy I ate it, really.

So yeah for my little victory over ED, who insisted that plain oatmeal would beat a Reese's cup. (nothing against oatmeal though lol). Other than that, today didn't really hold anything exciting. It was just the usual, wake up, get outta bed, drag a comb across my head (OK, I stole that from John Lennon in A Day in the Life haha). But really, everything was routine. Breakfast, school work, workout, food, food, food... You get the point. And college shit. I am so scared. And so exctied.

Just get me the hell out of Youngstown!!! I hate this city so bad, there is nothing here for me. I have no friends and just want to start over new. Yes, this is my impulsive, manic side... but I REALLY need to leave, like PHYSICALLY leave my past behind. In order to fully move on.

Youngstown holds all the cold... those horrible winter chills... the lonliness... the way kids would snicker at me as I was dying. The pshyc wards. The failed "treatment providers". It holds the holidays. Ugh... I'll post on Christmas tomarrow... it's too long to do tongiht (seeing as it's 11:50 and bed is calling my name).

So umm another fleeting post? I'll update tomarrow though! I think I'm going shopping... with my mom... for Christmas clothes. Oooh but I am going Grocery shopping too! Time to restock the Oikos, Vitamuffins, La Tortillas, Produce... and a bunch of other things that cost to much mula. Hahaha. Another reason why I NEED to move... Youngstown has no Whole Foods OR Trader Joe's. Our idea of "specialty" is the Nature's Basket section at Giant Eagle. Pathetic.

And bratty kids walk around in those T-shirts with big Abercrombie logos, thinking they're making some kind of fashion statement. Becaues it's just THAT original to wear a shirt with some stupid, poorly-scented perfume making company's name on it. Ok, so I totally bought into the "screen T" deal when I was about 12. But I was also completely lost amongst a crowd of heartless "friends". Thus, I was forced to adhere to tasteless fashion! Now, I really don't know what my tastes are, clothing wise. Forever21 is cool... Charlotte Russe at times, and WetSeal, when they don't have all the ghetto-fab stuff. I love Buckle though, and some A&E gear. I wish we had an Urban Outfitters. Or H&M. That would make things much, MUCH better.

I rant too much. Haha.

I'll leave you all with a fab french toast recipe (this happened to be the star of my breakfast today!)

2 Slices Eziekel Cinnamon Raisin Bread
1/3 Cup Eggbeaters (or, alternatively, 1 Egg)
1/3 Cup Silk Eggnog
1 TSP Cinnamon
2 Packets Stevia...

In a shallow dish, mix together Eggbeaters, Eggnog, Cinnamon, and Stevia. Soak bread in mixture until the majority of liquid has been absored. Cook in non-stick skillet until Golden Brown! Top off with a thin layer of Almond Butter. Next, add a scoop of Cottage Cheese. Chop an apple overtop the CC, and then drizzle with cinnamon and honey. Enjoy this! It is nearly impossible not to!!!

Good night (technically, good morning, it's oficially midnight!)